How to Build and Maintain Trust in Business Relationships

How to Build and Maintain Trust in Business Relationships:

Strategies for Communicating Your Trustworthy Qualities

By Robert Kohn and Lawrence Kohn
August 2024

Trust is the foundation upon which successful business relationships are built. It can make relationships rock-solid. And yet, trust can be fragile. One unkind word, one mistake, one suspicious act can permanently damage it. Considering how important it is to your success, you don’t want to leave the process of building and maintaining trust up to chance.

Building trust involves communicating that you possess trustworthy qualities. There are many types of trustworthy qualities such as knowledge, capability, honesty, responsiveness, reliability, respect, and empathy. Different relationships may require different qualities. For example, you may be building relationships with employees, supervisors, clients, prospects, and referral sources. So, the qualities you choose to communicate will probably vary depending upon the type of relationship. But the fundamental principles are the same. To build trust, you want to create communication strategies that provide insight into who you are as a person, and why working with you will be a safe and beneficial experience.

There are many ways of communicating your trustworthy qualities. Of course, one way is through your actions – by consistently exemplifying trustworthy qualities. But this may not be enough. There is often a disparity between the qualities you possess, and the perception of these qualities. This is because people see the world through a filter. And their filter is influenced by many things such as personality, culture, memories, and prejudices. In order to build trust, you need communication strategies that can help you penetrate the filter.
Here are some communication strategies that will be examined in this article:

• Pay attention to your demeanor
• Build people up, don’t break them down
• Share stories about personal experiences
• Build community
• Be a person of value
• Create practices and tools
• Share your guiding principles
• Create reasons for staying in touch

We begin with the first strategy:

• Pay attention to your demeanor

  As you communicate with others, it is important to be aware of things that could inadvertently undermine trust. One thing that you need to be aware of is your demeanor. Certainly, you communicate through words, but it is not just what you say, rather how you say it that often matters. And important tool in building trust is the ability to communicate in a way that your audience clearly understands, and things like your facial expression, tone, and sarcasm can easily obscure your message.

  Facial expression:

  You communicate a tremendous amount of information through your facial expressions, perhaps more than you realize. Sometimes you communicate the wrong things. For example, when you frown while talking with someone, it may appear that you are angry or disappointed. Of course, that may not be the case. You may simply be listening intently or thinking about something else. But other people may not know that and perceive that you are judging them harshly. Another common expression that can break down trust is the eye-roll which undermines a person’s credibility. So, practice maintaining a pleasant facial expression as you interact with others.

  One of the greatest benefits of video conferencing is having the ability to observe your own expressions. You can see yourself in real-time as you are talking and listening. This is a great tool for developing facial expression awareness.

  Tone:

  Tone is another quality that can inadvertently undermine trust. People say things in ways that sound different from their intent. Perhaps they are in a hurry, or feeling frustrated, frightened, or worried. And their tone comes across as angry or critical. This can break down trust. It is important that when you are in an excited emotional state that you filter your tone. Take a moment and reflect on how you want others to hear you.

  Sarcasm:

  Sarcasm is a popular form of expression. It is considered by many people to be witty and intelligent. But if your goal is to build trust, then you should avoid using it. The word sarcasm can be traced back to the Greek verb “sarkazein,” (pronounced sar-kah’-zene), which means, “to tear flesh or to wound.” One of the qualities that builds trust is to communicate empathy, and sarcasm does the opposite. Sarcasm is intended to insult, or to show irritation. It is hostile and critical. And it destroys trust.

  In addition to being hurtful, sarcasm is confusing. The very definition of sarcasm is “to say the opposite of what you mean.” When building trust, your goal is to communicate honesty. You want people to know exactly what is on your mind and how you feel. Sarcasm sends a mixed message. After a while, people can’t tell if you are being sarcastic or truthful. If you are known to be sarcastic, and you pay someone a genuine compliment, your compliment may be interpreted as a veiled criticism. The next time you want to use sarcasm, ask yourself what you are truly trying to say and find a more direct way of saying it.

• Build people up, don’t break them down

  There are two fundamental approaches to managing relationships. One approach is fear-based, and the other is safety-based. Fear-based management stems from the belief that people will work harder and do a better job in response to the fear of being criticized or threatened. But managing relationships through fear creates a threatening environment. It makes you feel entitled to be impatient, abrupt, and/or disparaging. While in the short run, fear may seem to be effective in getting results, in the long run, it erodes trust.

  Communicating safety involves positioning yourself as an ally. It involves letting people know that they are valued and appreciated. You create an environment in which people feel that you are interested in their success. As a result, people feel comfortable asking questions, expressing disagreement, and taking risks without the fear of being criticized, embarrassed, or punished.

  Safety transcends all types of business relationships. For example, if you are in the role of delegating work or training someone, communicating safety encourages your subordinates to take ownership of the work. And when people take ownership, they become proud of their work and invest more care. In the area of business development, communicating safety motivates prospects and referral sources to hire and recommend you.

• Share stories about personal experiences

  One of the ways you reveal information about who you are as a person is by sharing stories about your personal experiences. Personal stories serve as a way of bonding with people. And more importantly, they are a method of revealing qualities about yourself that might ordinarily be difficult to share. For example, it could feel awkward bragging or boasting about yourself to say how smart or competent you are. It would feel disingenuous to say things like, “You can trust me. I’m honest.”

  But these qualities can be indirectly communicated by sharing personal experiences. Select the qualities you want to communicate and then select experiences that reveal those qualities. For example, if you want people to know that you are honest, you could share a personal story in which you displayed honesty. If you want people to know that you are smart, you could share a war story in which you gave good advice.

• Build community

  Trust is facilitated by interpersonal connection. You are more likely to trust someone who is recommended by someone you know and trust. For example, when an applicant for a job is referred by someone you know, or when a potential vendor is referred by a trusted advisor, it carries a lot of weight. This is one of the reasons why meeting new people and building a community of contacts is so important.

  Of course, there are opportunities to meet people through your work. And, it is worthwhile making an effort to stay in touch with people as they move to new companies. But you can also increase the number of people you meet by finding and getting involved in business and community organizations. Find an organization that interests you and that has the type of people you think might be beneficial to you in your profession. If you have the time, join a committee. You bond and build relationships by working together for the common good.

• Be a person of value

  You can strategically reveal specific personal qualities by giving value. People are more likely to appreciate your qualities when they experience them first-hand. For example, if you want people to know how knowledgeable or capable you are, then position yourself as someone who gives good advice. When someone has a problem, begin by asking inciteful questions. This accomplishes two things. It helps you understand the problem and it demonstrates your familiarity with the issues. Then, instead of offering general advice, provide actionable steps they can follow. The more specific you are in the things they need to do, the easier it will be for them to follow your advice. To take it a step further, if you want people to know that you are empathic and that you take interest in helping them, then you could offer to follow up to see how your advice panned out. People will learn to trust you as they come to see you as someone who cares about helping them, and has the experience and knowledge to overcome the challenges they are facing.

• Create practices and tools that ensure your trustworthiness

  You may want to develop some practices and tools that ensure that you consistently act in ways that are trustworthy. For example, if you want people to know that you always keep your commitments, then you could have a rule that you always put commitments directly into your calendar so that you don’t forget them. If you want to be known for your accuracy and thoroughness, then you could have a rule that you always use checklists to ensure quality work. If you want to be known as respectful, then you could create a habit of always telling people in advance if you are going to be late or can’t keep a commitment. These practices and tools ensure that you can be relied upon.

• Share your guiding principles

  People learn to trust you as they understand more about what you believe and how you think. For example, you could reveal a core belief about the importance of keeping commitments. You could share a core philosophy about how you respect other people’s time. And you can substantiate your beliefs by describing your practices and rules for being punctual and reliable.

  Whenever possible, it is a good idea to summarize your guiding principles in the form of soundbites. For example, “When I make a commitment, you can take it to the bank”, or “I always set my alarm for meetings so that I am never late.” Of course, to earn trust, you need to make good on following your guiding principles.

• Create reasons for staying in touch

  Building trust is a process that can take a long time. In some cases, it can take many years. Even after you have built trust, circumstances can change. In order to be successful at building and maintaining trust, you need to stay in touch with people. But, in order to stay in touch, you need good incentives.

  Compelling offers:

  People are busy, so if you want to maintain contact, it is important to create valuable reasons to stay in touch. Offering to give something of value creates an incentive to have ongoing interaction. In the area of business development, when you are building trust with someone who has not yet hired you, an effective technique for staying in touch is to offer some value-in-advance. There are myriad offers you can make. For example, you could offer something educational like a seminar or consultation. You could offer entertainment by inviting someone to lunch or to play golf. You could offer the value of introductions by inviting someone to a networking activity. The more compelling the offer, the more likely it is that people will accept.
  In the world of remote work in which we now live, you may not have the ability to see each other in person. People may be working from home, and even living in different cities. In the past, getting together in-person provided an opportunity to discuss more than just work. For example, when you worked on the same floor, you could stop by someone’s office and spend time chatting and getting to know each other on a personal level. So, when you are physically separated, you have to create new mechanisms for maintaining contact. You can schedule video conference calls. This may not always give you the time or opportunities to bond over personal information. But it’s not necessary. You can bond through your work.

  Scheduling the next meeting:

  At the end of each meeting, a good rule is to decide the next step. Offer to meet again to discuss the issue at hand, or to provide some additional value. And make sure that you get the next step into your calendars. This is an important habit to develop. It will help to ensure that you maintain contact. Rather than saying “we should get together later,” just pick a date. This is particularly true for group meetings. It is much easier to schedule the next meeting when you have everyone present with their calendars, than having to track them down later to schedule. In fact, you might consider including an agenda item to schedule the next meeting.

In conclusion:

The process of building and maintaining trust with your business relationships is much too important to be left up to chance. Your financial success and happiness depend on it. And simply possessing trustworthy qualities or acting in trustworthy ways may not be enough. The perception that people have about you is obscured by the filter through which they experience the world – their personalities, experiences, prejudices, and cultural backgrounds. The communication strategies described in this article will help you penetrate the filter, and more accurately communicate your trustworthy qualities.